Do you still have faith?

Thank you dear all for your prayers and encouragement. Do love you loads.

Its difficult to understand why for this paper I didn't read the question properly when normally I have been so meticulous, reading every instruction even on my answer booklet. I am not sure why God let it happen and in some way I am very frustrated with God especially when I had all the hopes and trust. I was the one who kept calm and cool before the exam even seeing my friends frantically doing their last minute revision. I had such high hopes of scoring well and yet at that split second, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I am not sure how it happenned and the confusing thing was I actually spent 10 min analysing on which two to do and I never for once read there was a compulsory question. Honestly, it seemed that throughout the exam I was blinded. I am not sure what to say, what to do other than rush to see the lecturer straight after the exam only to understand he was busy in the meeting. I sent him an e-mail already but I doubt he can do anything, considering from their point of view, it was entirely my fault for not following instructions.

When I came back, I was just in a state of shock, pure shock, not knowing what to do. And worst still, I couldn't call home. And then, when God saw me in such despair, He sent Melissa to call me. Meli listened, and heard my cry over the line. She asked how my paper was and I poured out my anguish, my frustration. I was in the pits of pits. And then Mum finally called and comforted me over the phone.

After putting down the phone, I decided to phone Melissa and agreed to go over for dinner. During dinner, she told me how she had been thinking of me for a long time and wanted to 'celebrate' with me now that my third paper is over. She has been a hugh blessing, even cooked sweet and sour pork chops for me and was there to encourage me. I have found no friend like her and I can only really thank God for blessing me with her. Without her initial call, I am not sure how I could have taken it. The idea of losing my faith completely seems scary but honestly at that time, I had lost all hope. My studies were something I prized and was in a way proud of suddenly failed me. No words could contain the anguish. But dear Meli was there for me. When I needed her the most. She even blessed me with lettuce and fruits to take home. What a great friend and sister in Christ!

After dinner, I decided to go to the Whitworth Park music room and I managed to play the piano. Never have I enjoyed playing the piano so much. The cries of my heart as I played the worship songs. The music and chords somehow all flowed. I am amazed at how I could think of a song and play it immediately without any chords when usually I would stop and think what chord would come next. Somehow I wish I have a piano to play. Have actually been thinking about it for the past weeks...

Yeah, that's basically the whole drama unfolded. It has been a long day. I hope I shall not lose heart; rather be stirred and be moulded to what He wants me to be. To be renewed in mind and to practice what I read. What a coincidence I have just finished reading Philippians this morning. To have joy and to always rejoice. Pray I would be strong. Even with the little tiny baby faith. Above all things, whether I do badly or I do well, I shall give glory to God. Whether I fail or excel, I give thanks. Whether I have much or have little, I am content.

And a note for Meli too, God shall be our sustainer as He prepares and moulds us into what He wants us to be. We shall not be discouraged but grow stronger in faith daily.